I live in Maine. Not full time (at least not yet), but a little more each year. I’ve been coming up to this little island – Deer Isle – for over 50 years, since my mom and dad stumbled on it and found it more attractive than the usual tourist haunts. They had grown tired of crowds on Cape Cod, as much as we enjoyed the beaches there. So one year, we stayed at a place called the Eggemoggin Inn, on Little Deer Isle. It was gorgeous – a great big wrap around porch, set on the water, near the charming little Pumpkin Lighthouse. We were hooked – or to be more accurate, they were hooked. It was beautiful, it was remote, there were plenty of things to do, just not touristy things. Dad was happy riding his bike every day and Mom would go for long walks. We ate lobster, dug our own clams, and learned about the culture of this little island.

Thus it began. Each summer, they would go online and find a charming house to rent. Over the years we stayed in rental houses on all parts of the island – Little Deer, Sunshine (east side), Sunset (west side) and then discovered Stonington, all the way down at the southern tip of Deer Isle.

The island was something we never tired of. My brother and I were young when we first started coming, but I remember clearly each house we rented and how much we looked forward to coming. Kids have lots of priorities when they are young, often these priorities don’t require hanging out with parents….but I don’t remember it that way. I went on bike rides with my dad – when I was old enough – and went for runs on beautiful routes all ove the island. I learned how to properly cook and eat a lobster (or two, or more) and how to dig for clams. It seemed that there was no end to the things we could do on this island. If we tried to describe it to others, however, it always came out sounding boring.

“what do you do up there?” people would ask. There was no night life and not many shops of any notoriety (read ‘none’) on the island. There is a grocery store for the staples, but if you want to do any substantial shopping you have to leave the island and it’s about a 45 minute drive to get anywhere. We hike, we walk, we bike. We visit the same haunts each year.

Eventually, Dad retired and of course (“Florida is for old people,” he used to say) they went to Deer Isle. Dad had fallen in love with Stonington, so there was no doubt where they would settle. They bought some land – about 12 acres – at the end of a 4-mile long road and right on the water. They built a house and planted their flag. Mom and Dad lived there full-time, year-round for about 14 years. The winters were long, but they settled in. Sadly, Dad developed Alzheimers and we were forced to move them off the island in order to get some quality health care. We took the very difficult decision to sell their house, raising enough money to take care of Mom and Dad for the rest of their days. Dad only lasted a couple of years, dying in 2005, but Mom lasted until this year (2022) and always remembered Stonington with her heart.

With my parents off the island, my wife and I went back to renting during summers for a little while. This island sort of gets under your skin, and it’s hard to let it go. Eventually, my smart little bride suggested “let’s see if we can buy some land; they’re not making more land on the water. Then we can decide if we want to build a house.”

One of Dad’s friends was Ron. Ron was Ron Gross, of Ron’s Service Station. It’s where he bought his truck (and eventually I bought mine) but one year, Ron got his real estate license and offered to show us some land on the water, right on Webb’s Cove, near Stonington. Mom was still okay at that point and joined us for our summers on the island. She drive with us down the 1/2 mile dirt road to see the land for sale. It turned out to be for sale by the Myers family, and Mom recognized it immediately – “Is this where the Myers live?” That was fate. Stan and Peg Myers were selling half of the 30 acres they owned on Webb’s Cove. Stan decided it would be nice to sell it to people they have a connection with and who would be good neighbors. Thus – we ended up with 15 acres of woodland right on the water. There were (and still are) paths through all 30 acres, created by Stan for hiking and communing with nature.

The next part of the story is not difficult to guess – a few years (not many) after we bought the land, we built our house. It is set on a hill, and has views of the cove that are glorious. We built something with enough room for the kids and their kids someday (maybe?). It was like planting a flag for our family.

This place is so beautiful. It is clean, unspoiled and gloriously uncrowded. In the summer we get visitors, but it never gets crowded or touristy, like Bar Harbor or some of the towns in southern Maine. We are just too difficult to get to, so we are not “on your way” anywhere and the people who visit need to compete for rooms on an island that only has a limited supply. Downtown Stonington is still just a fishing town. There are 400 lobster boats (the largest lobster port in Maine) and a few places to get a bit to eat and a shop or two, but no real shopping to speak of. The Harbor Cafe is just what it sounds like, a simple cafe. The local grocery store opens at 4am to serve the lobster men (mostly men) who need something before they hit the water.

I thank my lucky stars that all of my kids love it here. I just hope they end up with life partners who love it as much as we do. Frankly, I don’t think I could have married someone who didn’t fall in love with this island the way I do.

Last year, my youngest son Will started his own business – taking people on guided kayak tours of the islands. As it turns out, Stonington is in the middle of an archipelago of over 60 islands, and those in the know call it the best sea kayaking on the east coast. We of course have had our own kayaks for years and can launch from our property when we want (and when the tides permit), but when Will got his Maine guide license, his instructor certification and his Wilderness First Responder certification, this became serious. We are now part of his dream – helping him with a “family run” kayaking business. This has afforded me the opportunity to go on some of his tours and see so many more of the islands than i ever had when Dad was alive. I so wish he could have seen this.

There’s something magical about this place. It’s clean, it’s unspoiled, and it’s beautiful. It’s chock full of wildlife, and I don’t mean lobsters – ospreys, eagles, herons, guillemots, seals, porpoises. We see these neighbors pretty much every day.

I am outside every day. The air smells wonderful, full of the smell of the sea and pine trees. We walk the dogs in the woods twice a day and they love it.

We started a family tradition, years ago, when the kids were small. When we drive on to the island, especially after a time away, we cross a winding causeway between Little Deer and Deer Isle, we all put the windows down and smell the salt air. It feels like our blood pressure goes down right at that point….ahhhhh, we are back.

I listened to a song by this name on Spotify today. It was by Curtis Salgado and Alan Hager. I am not familiar with these musicians, but….I want my dog to live longer.

I think some of the saddest days in my life so far are when we lost our beloved family dogs. Some have left too early – Adelaide was less than 10 when she died – and some enjoyed long lives, at least according to dog standards. Jasper was 17 when we had to say goodbye to him.

Our dogs are such good members of our family. I cannot imagine being at home with them. These days we have anywhere from 2 to 5, depending on which of the kids are home. All of the usual points apply – they are always happy to see us, no matter what kind of a day it is, they are loyal and loving.

Mostly I just enjoy being with them, and miss them when I am away. Every once in a while, however, I look at one of them (the two labs are now 10 years old) and I get wistful…lamenting the day in the future when we will have to say goodbye. Frankly, I choke up. I wish my dog could live as long as we do.

I just don’t get it. I realize it’s a flaw in our democracy in the US but to have more guns than we have citizens is fucking ridiculous. We have school shootings on a regular basis (this week it was in Texas) and 50 people (Republican senators) block any attempts at new legislation because they are afraid their constituents will kick them out of office. Some of the articles I read and the diatribes I listen to suggest that the vast majority of Americans want better laws governing gun safety and access to guns. Yet 50 senators refuse. Kudos to Steve Kerr of the NBAs Golden State Warriors.

https://www.espn.com/nba/story/_/id/33979219/warriors-steve-kerr-delivers-impassioned-plea-gun-control-texas-school-shooting-get-numb-this

We are the only country that seems to value gun laws more than schoolchildren. We have indiscriminate shootings almost every week. Some conservatives say that there’s no way to prevent this, yet we are the only country where it regularly happens. People get sad, they get angry, yet nothing happens.

Honestly it makes me frustrated, because I don’t know what to do about it. I can do my darndest to help elect people to government with the sense to address the issue, but I feel helpless otherwise. More than helpless, I am embarassed. My many friends in other countries (including my own daughter) think there is something terribly wrong with the USA. Honestly, they are probably right….

Guns and gun laws may just be one symptom of the cultural decline and division here now. Donald Trump was and is a symbol of this, but he’s not the cause of it. He gave many people “permission” to act like complete assholes. He put some of those people in positions of power and now we fight over gun laws, abortion rights, immigration, books in schools, racism, voting rights.

I would run for office if I thought it would help. I just don’t have enough faith in our system of democracy any more. Time for a drink and to rebuild my optimism.

Nationalism bothers me. Too many people believe that their nation is more important than others, and the good of their nation supersedes all else. In reading Walter Isaacson’s wonderful biography of Albert Einstein, I discovered that this brilliant scientist developed a taste for current affairs in addition to physics. He was a pacifist, against war of any kind (aren’t most of us?), but Hitler’s rise made him waver on the principles of pacifism. In fact he proposed that an international entity should be established that could transcend national sovereignty by imposing the resolution of disputes. This would require the surrender by every nation of a bit of its sovereignty. He tried his idea on Sigmund Freud, another great mind of that time period. As you might expect Freud was bleak, and confirmed that man has an active instinct for hatred and destruction, along with a separate need to conserve and unify. The idea of a “united nations” with teeth was of course a pipe dream.

Here was are, over 75 years after Hitler’s failure, and we seem to be watching a similar force, in Vladimir Putin. His belief in the power of his nation (and his right to rule it, of course) should take precedence over the rights of the Ukrainians to conduct their own nation. Are we heading toward another world war, based on these commitments to nationalism? I don’t know, i hope not, but i fear it. The nationalism espoused by Donald Trump in USA (“America First”), by Putin, by the populist leaders of several other countries – they make the world a less attractive place.

I find encouragement in small steps, however, the departure of Donald Trump (at least for now) from power, the re-election of Emmanual Macron over right-wing populist Putin fan Marine Le Pen, and a similar win the nation of Slovenia.

Why should America be first, anyway? We became great because we were seem as a beacon of freedom, willing to help others, and to accept others. We are a country made up of immigrants!

Okay, after 36 hours of radio silence, I finally heard that the boys made it out of Ukraine, were in Munich and heading home. Apparently they were followed and were worried that their conversations were being listened to, so there was no dialogue.

They successfully deliver the 7 duffle bags of medical supplies, first a few to a bombed military base in the west of the country and then the rest were left in Lviv.

Every little bit helps. I be the boys will have some stories when they get home…

I got a text from the two young men today. They made it to Lviv, from Krakow, and were appreciative of the help from so many to ensure they got there safely. I also got a call from their Dad, my friend Alex, who is proud, relieved and still scared…it’s not exactly the Ukraine he knows right now. I can’t imagine how I’d feel if my boys (or my girls) were over there. (i know my wife would be going out of her mind!).

The boys brought 7 duffle bags of medical supplies with them, which will surely be appreciated. Now I will keep an eye on the Ukrainian Weekly to see if they get some of their reports on the state of the country in to ‘print.’

Of course the next challenge will be to get them back out of Ukraine. They are now looking at alternatives to the route they took to get in, thinking that Slovakia or Moldova might make an easier escape than the Polish border.

Slava Ukraini!

My friend Alex’ two sons made it to Poland the other day. When they got to Krakow, they checked into a hotel with their 7 duffle bags of medical supplies, thanks to donations from many of us in USA. The transport they were counting on to get across the border and to their relatives in Lviv didn’t pan out.

There are few things I can do to help, but leveraging my network is one of them. I reached out to a number of contacts and the result was heart-warming. The people I spoke with in Poland were remarkable – all were keen to help, some were already hosting Ukrainian families in their homes. One of my contacts put the boys in touch with a lady named Anastasia, who will be driving them across the border, all the way to Lviv (not too far from the Polish border). Meanwhile, Russian bombing has started in the west of Ukraine, not far from Lviv.

Up to date info from Alex tells me that their first attempt to cross the border failed yesterday, as the car broke down. Annastasia seems to be hanging in there and they are finding another car to try again today.

the other noteworthy thing about the boys’ trip is that in addition to bringing the $20k worth of medical supplies, Alex’s younger son will be reporting for Ukrainian Weekly. This is an english language paper for Ukrainians in the USA. Anyone wanting to keep up to date can subscribe for something like $45 (https://subscription.ukrweekly.com/). A small contribution to the cause.

I am consumed by the news from Ukraine. I know that many are, and should be. That son-of-a-bitch Putin is causing an extraordinary disaster. Everyone is writing about it, of course. My story gets a little personal.

One of my best friends – let’s call him the Big Tuna, as that was a nickname when we went to college together – is Ukrainian. Tuna is first generation in USA so most of his family are from and still live in Ukraine. They live in a small village outside Lviv, on the western side of the country (thank goodness…so far). Tuna’s family has been in this village since the 1600s, so are reluctant to evacuate. Add to this that the Ukraine government require (understandably) all men between 18 and 60 years old to join the armed forces, and they will surely not leave the country.

So…Tuna has been speaking with them regularly, and then his two sons made a decision. They decided to travel to Ukraine. The younger one is a journalist and plans to write about the war, but he decided to collect some medical supplies and bring them along. He told his dad that he hoped to raise $1,000 or maybe $3,000 to collect these supplies. His father (Tuna) activated our network and in a week or so, they had over $20,000 in donations. The two boys left for Poland with 7 huge duffle bags of medical supplies.

They arrived today in Krakow and found a hotel. They thought they had arranged transportation across the border, thanks to a contact I gave them in Poland, but this didn’t work out. The boys were nervous because they didn’t know who the driver would be, didn’t believe he spoke any english and they worried about getting taken advantage of.

Tuna called me and put me on with his sons. I sent out some more feelers through my own network and identified two additional Polish executives. I spoke to each of them on the phone and they were wonderful. They were already helping the Ukes; one of them is hosting a Ukrainian family in his home and took a break from dinner to speak to me. They are both going to call who they know to find a suitable transport for Tuna’s sons, from Krakow to Lviv.

Tuna’s younger boy will be writing for Ukrainian Weekly so anyone who wants to follow along, subscribe and/or donate: https://subscription.ukrweekly.com/.

Let’s see how they do tomorrow!

A friend who blogs (more effectively and more often than I) wrote recently about circles of influence and circles of control. She spoke of an outer ring which houses the big issues that keep us up at night but which we have no control over. This might include (for me anyway) unprovoked war in Ukraine, systemic racism, Donald Trump and Tucker Carlson, etc. She calls this the circle of concern. The next circle is the circle of influence, which holds issues affecting people we care about and over which we might have some influence. The inner circle of control, which houses the things we can make some impact on. For me, this includes some educational issues (my involvement with Junior Achievement), and those charitable causes I try to help with (Ukraine, Alzheimers, Cancer, homeless pets).

I do some pro bono consulting for non-profits, and it’s both rewarding and fun. I know that my experience is useful to these non-profits and that their causes don’t go away when a crisis occurs somewhere in the world. I keep my sanity by staying focused on the circles of influence and control. Yes, I go crazy reading about racism and I read all the books I can about it, and I learn a lot. I get frustrated reading about disinformation, Qanon theory and crazies on the far right (and left)….but I stay centered on the causes I can help and influence. Sometimes a new one comes up. One of my best friends is Ukrainian (first generation in USA). He has relatives in Lviv and his worries have become my worries. His son is going across to bring medical supplies and to report on the war (yes, Vlad, it’s a fucking war). I contributed money to help him get supplies and I used some contacts I have in Europe to help my friend’s son get around once he arrives in Poland and prepares to cross the border to Ukraine. This came up and surely got my attention. I sure hope he is safe over there.