Why are these people elected?

Caveat – my leanings are leftward. I do believe in a liberal society. I do think we should have better gun control, legal abortions, combat racism and national health care. Okay, now that’s out of the way….

What the fuck are people thinking about when voting for idiots like Marjorie Taylor-Greene, Matt Gaetz, Bobert, and this joker Santos? People voted for them!!

MTG says the most outrageously idiotic things, and then yells out “liar,” when Biden is giving a speech to the nation.Gaetz has molested underage women. Santos hasn’t told the truth in a very long time. Has Donald Trump simply made lying ‘okay?’ I grew up thinking that lying was a bad thing. Now it seems that either it doesn’t matter, or perhaps it’s a means to the end of getting elected.

And this guy McCarthy is now 3rd in line to the Presidency. He doesn’t seem to have any strong feelings about policy or doing what’s right the American people, even for his own constituents. He simply prioritizing being in power. He was willing to compromise almost everything in order to become Speaker of the House. So many more principled people would have said “no thanks” to such demands. Paul Ryan, Mitt Romney, Liz Cheney. I may not agree with many of their (conservative) positions, but at least they have integrity and represent themselves honestly.

Are so many people in the USA simply stupid? Or are they committed to their positions on particular social issues (pick one – abortion? banning CRT? ) so deeply that they would vote for a candidate who professed(?) to advocate such positions, regardless of their integrity. For chrissakes, many people in Georgia voted for Herschel Walker. They all (mostly?) knew that he’s an idiot amongst other failings. They voted for him simply because he was the Republican candidate and they wanted the seat.

Wow. People who grow up with values are more considerate when choosing their representatives. We might vote for a candidate because we believe he/she represents what we want in office – honesty, integrity, hard work, and policies that we agree with…not just because he/she is a democrat or a republican or a socialist or a green party, or other.

I find the state of the “system” in the United States today to be awfully frustrating. I’m not quite sure if it’s because it’s worse then ever, or because I’m older and more curmudgeonly than ever. I read recently (read Jon Meacham’s new book; it’s excellent) that when Abraham Lincoln was elected, a group of people stormed the capital to prevent his election, even threatening the vice president, hoping he would not certify the electoral college vote. It was in March rather than on January 6th, but still…

I guess some amount of divisiveness is inherent in the system. Politics is messy by design. It is also the case in running a company. Making strategy decisions is messy by design, and better decisions come from diversity of opinion and vigorous debate. Decisions are made and people move on, rarely going to lengths to sabotage the decisions made. We need more people with integrity in office. I think Joe Biden is an honest guy. He’s too old to run for President again, but at least he’s trying hard to do what’s right and he doesn’t seem to be lying to us. For me, that’s a win.

Enough for now.

Do my kids still need taking care of?

When your kids are young you do anything and everything to protect them and care for them. You worry about negative things happening to them, even though you know they need to learn many lessons for themselves. You are quick to come to their defense after any transgression – a bully, an unfair teacher or coach – no matter that it was probably their fault :-).

What about after they grow up? when you kids are over 21, out of school, living on their own, or all of the above…what then? The instinct to protect is always there, but now it must be controlled carefully. When my kid calls me to complain about work, vent about a romantic relationship gone south or a friend done wrong, I have to remember that I don’t have to fix it. My job – first and foremost – is to listen. Every once in a while he/she will actually ask for advice (depending on the kid, some more often than others). If advice is requested then it can be (carefully) shared. Advice given needs to be different from “here’s what you need to do.” They don’t want or need to be told what to do any longer. I tend to talk about options and ideas for consideration that my child (is she really still a child? yea i think so!) can consider when making up her own mind.

“It’s the decisions you make” has always been my most important advice. They need to make their own decisions and live with them, even the mistakes.

Of course it was a lot easier when they were little and I could just protect them from the world.

Don’t be afraid to take risks

I remember when I was young that some people spoke about wisdom that is acquired only with experience. This sounded like you had to get old before you knew things, or knew enough to be successful (whatever that may mean to any one of us).

In my periods of introspection, now that I appear to be retired, the title of this item is what occurs to me, and I need to relay it to my kids.

I grew up in a reasonably privileged household. We were white, middle-classed (as they said back then) and reasonably comfortable. Dad had a job most of the time, and we always had food on the table. I went to high school and was a good student as well as a decent athlete. I went to a large high school (graduating class was over 1,000 students!) and I became captain of the soccer team. I was even named Scholar-Athlete of the Year by the Philadelphia Bulletin. In other words, it seemed I could do little wrong, moving from success to success. I got into Dartmouth College, one of the finest institutions in the world.

All is well, yeah? Yes, but I never really had to extend myself. I worked hard on my studies, made friends, was a decent soccer player, etc. I got to Dartmouth and discovered that everyone who was fortunate enough to get in was talented in some or several ways. One of my searing memories was when the coach of the team (i made the junior varsity as a freshman) ran ‘category’ sprints and in succeeding sprints told everyone to “go if you were captain of your high school team, ” or “go if you were all-conference,” or “go if you were a Nationl Merit semifinalist,” or, or or. The point of course was to see that everyone was a hot shit, and the bar was now a lot higher. It was wise of him 🙂

As a sophomore, I showed up at training and the coach told me I had to improve on my right foot – my left was probably the most powerful on the team, but I was weak on my right side. He was right of course. When it came time to make decisions, he told me I was not to be promoted to the varsity squad and he wanted me to play JV some more and improve. I was furious. Everyone knew he was a jerk, and I couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t use me on varsity for my strengths. I quit.

One of the other fabulous opportunities at Dartmouth back in the late 1970s was an innovative new program called Language Study Abroad (LSA). These days, every school has such a program, but it was a pretty cool new opportunity at Dartmouth back then. You could satisfy your language requirement by either taking a series of classes, i.e. French 1, French 2 and French 3, or you could go to France for a term, living with a french family and studying while there. This terrified me, and I took the easy route – I took the required classes and did well enough to satisfy my requirement. Many of my friends went on LSA and came back with wonderful stories, and even a command of the language.

These are two of my biggest regrets from my college career. Don’t get me wrong, I did well at school, made friends for life and went on to have a good career. I even made up for my missed opportunity to go overseas by taking a series of job that afforded me the chance to both live and work in other countries. I have worked in over 40 countries and lived in Australia and England. I played soccer until I was 50 years old and retired after finally injuring my knees too many times.

The point, however, is that I was a pussy back then. I took the easy route rather than take a risk. I could have been brave and gone overseas, even though it scared me. I could have kept playing soccer, even if it was on the JV, knowing that I was good enough to make it to Varsity at some point. Yet I didn’t. I took what I thought was the easy route, made the low risk choices and still regret it, dammit.

I recognize that these are “first world problems,” and that I never had to fight for my life and face decisions that were truly risky. Nonetheless, the principle applies to all of us, at whatever level we operate. Take risks, especially when young – go somewhere new, take a job that stretches you, do something risky (not irresponsible, but..).

Next time around, I am going on the LSA trip and I am going to keep playing soccer, even if the coach is a jerk.

I buy books for Christmas

Okay, I actually buy books all the time.

I am counting on the fact that my wife never reads my musings, because this topic is one we argue about regularly. She doesn’t understand why I am forever buying books and taking up space all over the house (but primarily in my office, so wtf).

This post, however, is about Christmas. I harken back to when I was a child. I always loved to read, and Aunt Phyllis knew and encouraged that. She owned and ran a bookstore on Cape Cod, called the Owl’s something or other (i can’t remember). Every year on my birthday I knew I would receive a book from her. I loved Aunt Phyl, she was fun and she loved books. I miss her now.

I am now (mostly) grown up, and have a wife and four grown kids. Buying christmas gifts is always a challenge for me. Some people love it, and are truly excellent at coming up with creative gifts for everyone on their list. I struggle with it…but have settled into my own strategy: Books.

I buy a book for everyone in the family. (at least one book for each). This is a lot more involved than it seems – it’s not just a simple point and click or one quick visit to Barnes & Noble. I need to think carefully about each person’s interests and choose just as carefully, Nothing is worse than buying a book for someone that they don’t care to read. (Okay, some things are worse, but you get what I mean.)

My wife prefers fiction, mysteries and other easy to read fiction. Her reading is an escape and a distraction. In fact she now prefers audiobooks, which she listens to while she’s doing whatever, but I still get her a real book. My daughters love to read as much as I do. They like both fiction and non-fiction and I choose carefully to grab books of substance for them. Girl #2 particularly loves Booker prize nominees. I need to choose one that she hasn’t already finished, of course. They both care about causes like racism, some politics and other reasonably liberal views. Thus, I can choose non-fiction for them also, but it needs to be written well and engrossing for them to read. I never struggle finding good books for them. Sample authors might be Hanya Yanagihara, Elizabeth Strout, Malcolm Gladwell, Amor Towles, Michael Lewis…

My older son is in medical school. This makes the choice a rifle shot because he is extremely busy. My girls are too as they have good jobs, but med school is another level, i think. He likes books about medical topics (Emporer of All Maladies, for example), but he also likes to escape with fantasy and “spooky” movies and books. I am buying him one of each this year. I got him Mukherjee’s new book, about the Gene. I hope he likes it.

My youngest is also easy – he’s a history kid. He’s been a history kid since he was in elementary school and we read books about WWII together. I rarely give him fiction, as he prefers history. I can choose some politics (this year he will get the new Abe Lincoln book by Meacham, and one or two others).

We now are getting “significant others” joining us for Christmas in Connecticut. This means a bit more research. I ask my kids – “what does Ian like to read? What does Katy like to read?” I need that intelligence before I can expand my program properly.

*Of course I deserve a book at Christmas time too! People don’t seem to give me books. I suspect that’s because they don’t know whether I’ve already bought it for myself 🙂

Thanksgiving

When I was young I loved Thanksgiving. I think it was my favorite holiday. Low stress due to lack of gift-giving pressure, lots of eating and drinking and those are things I do quite well, and enjoy.

Thanksgiving is still a nice holiday, and the meal is quite a reward, but it isn’t top choice any more. It is clearly because the family don’t gather for Thanksgiving any longer. One of my kids lives in England and annoyingly they don’t celebrate the holiday there – it’s just another Thursday work day. When we lived in England, there was no Thanksgiving celebration – often I was traveling for work. My oldest lives in Colorado and she doesn’t come home for turkey either.

Christmas is the big one. My wife looooves Christmas. Therefore we all are required to love Christmas, and we have learned to do so. They house gets decorated inside and out. We all seem to go overboard on gift giving, no matter how many times we try out proposals to tone it down a notch or more. We have Christmas traditions, meals, and the whole family gathers – it’s a requirement.

My older son got engaged this week – very exciting. He took his gal to our house in Maine, enjoyed the peace and quiet and proposed with a lovely diamond ring. He then made a nice Thanksgiving dinner. I think this may be the start of his own Thanksgiving tradition, but there was no need for him to come home and join us.

My youngest was here – probably because he didn’t have anywhere else to go – he starts work on a ski mountain in Maine in a couple of days, but why not hang around with Mum and Dad, have Thanksgiving dinner and watch moves and play pool. So there – we had at least a little Thanksgiving this year. All the kids sent photos of their own turkey dinners. I am thankful for that and for them. And I got to watch real football all day thanks to the World Cup – the NFL is always so boring, but never more so than on Thanksgiving.

That’s enough.

Why I will watch the World Cup

The 2022 World Cup may be the most corrupt sporting event in history. Qatar was chosen as host in 2010 and since then the bribery scandal has resulted in most of the FIFA governing body being exited. Qatar has no business hosting a World Cup. In the 12 years since being chosen, the press have highlighted abuse of migrants who built all new stadiums at great danger to themselves. The tournament itself had to be moved from the summertime (north american summer) when most football leagues are on holiday to the winter time, solely to accommodate the weather in Qatar. Summer in Qatar would be well over 100 degrees fahrenheit. They build stadiums with air conditioning (climate concerns, anyone?) all over this tiny country, and still moved it to November-December when the weather should be closer to the 80s and 90s fahrenheit. They have banned serving beer, just two days before the tournament started – i can only imagine how major sponsor Anheuser-Busch feel about that.

Qatar has demonstrated intolerance of LGBTQ people and that seems to fly right in the face of FIFAs so-called commitment to fairness and social responsibility. FIFA never should have chosen Qatar.

Some of my friends have declared that they will go on strike and not watch the World Cup, over these principles.

I thought about it, but am not joining. As disturbing as the business side of this tournament seems to be, I love the game. I cannot bring myself to miss watching the matches, and I can’t blame the players and coaches of the teams who have been preparing for four years to be at the World Cup, the greatest sporting event in the world. I wish it was somewhere else – anywhere, really – but it’s not. The athletes from USA, England, Australia, France, Brazil, Argentina, Denmark, Tunisia….etc are ready to play. Some were injured before the tournament and are heartbroken (not relieved) at not being able to join.

I will watch. I will watch the beauty of the game, the flowing motion of the ball, the passion of the players representing their country, and the heartbreak that most will feel when they eventually lose.

It’s the World Cup. No way will I miss it.

You’re getting tired of supporting Ukraine? Seriously?

I have started reading this in the news. Mostly it is Republicans, who think it’s time to stop the “blank check” for Ukraine. This really pisses me off.

Was supporting Ukraine okay for a little while? Did it make you feel better to know we were (helping others) stand up to Vladimir Putin? What do. you think will happen now if we stop supporting Ukraine?

The situation in Ukraine is heartbreaking. Even more important, the Ukrainian people are inspirational. Their bravery is immense and their commitment to freedom should remind Americans of their own origin story. We need to support them forever. We definitely need to support them until Russia leaves the country and/or Putin is deposed. Of course it is difficult to see how this war ends. That doesn’t mean we leave them before its over.

Ukraine’s fight is our fight too. It is a war against tyranny and despotism. It is the clearest battle against evil that we have had in years. It is clearer than our wars in the middle east and much clearer than our ill-fated war in Vietnam. This is not about whether we are the world’s policeman. This is about doing what’s right, standing by our friends and helping support their own freedom. If you have to pay a few more cents for gasoline in the meantime…tough shit.

period.

Galapagos!

Three years ago (2019) found us in Galapagos for a bucket list holiday (my wife’s bucket list). Three of our kids joined us, as the fourth was living in Korea at the time and couldn’t join. We promised him he would get to see Galapagos as it is amazing. So…here we are in 2022 and back on the islands.

It is a truly unique spot on this planet. Governed by national parkland across over 80% of the islands, the animals enjoy quite a life. There are few predators, and the animals have never learned to be afraid of humans, so visitors have the opportunity to meet the animals up close and personal. We went snorkling every day and were able to swim with sea lions, sea turtles, sharks and so many kinds of fish it was impossible to keep track. On land we spent time with tortoises, iguanas, and many many birds. The blue-footed booby is the most famous, of course.

As this was our second visit, I wasn’t sure how excited I would be. We rarely go to one place twice (other than Maine of course). Galapagos, however, was wonderful the second time – as good as the first – particularly since our son got to experience this amazing place.

We stayed in a beautiful hotel in the “highlands” of Santa Cruz. It is called Semillia Verde and run by an Englishman who married an Ecuadorian lady. He built the hotel and it’s beautiful and intimate, set on 15 acres of woodlands that are also home to 15+ tortoises. Each morning I would stroll the grounds and visit with the tortoises before our day’s tour.

Go there.

Leaving Maine

I’ve made it clear that I love it in Maine, haven’t I? It is peaceful, beautiful and almost everything I want. I recall most of the times I had to leave at the end of the summer season. It used to be after just a few weeks’ vacation up there. It was time to get back to work, and driving off the island at the end of one of those visits made me feel pain. A tear would come to my eye as I tried desperately to get a last look at the ocean and a last sniff at the sea air.

As I got older, I started spending longer time periods on the island. Leaving still hurt, even if it was at the end of a month, or two months in Maine. I knew that the drive “back to civilization” would be hard, but it got easier as I got farther from the island and re-entered civilization. Of course the opposite was always true – the drive up to Deer Isle just got prettier and prettier as I got closer and I could almost feel my blood pressure go down as I crossed the bridge and then the causeway from Little Deer Isle to Deer Isle. The windows always went down over that causeway and I’d get my first full inhale of the sea air. Boy that felt good. When I was working, that journey made feel renewed.

Now I am retired. (boy it has taken my quite some time to get use to that word). I can spend as much time as I want up in Maine. This year (2022) I was there from May till mid-October. I helped my son with his kayaking business (www.ospreysecho.com) and I hiked with the dogs, read books, kayaked in the islands, worked in the garden, and participated in meetings over zoom. When I finally drove off the island, it still felt bittersweet, but not as painful.

I think about why that may be. Partly it’s because I now see value in being around more people, being able to do more things like play tennis, socialize and work. Every once in a while I need a dose of this off island, I guess. Mostly, however, I don’t regret leaving because now I know I can go back any time I want. Leaving isn’t as traumatic as it used to be – knowing that I wouldn’t be back until the following year/summer. It makes me more relaxed about leaving.

But I still miss it.

Confessions of a lobster snob

One of the benefits of living in Stonington Maine is the availability of lobsters, right off the boat. All my life I have enjoyed fresh lobster either from one of our local fisherman friends or from the docks of the Stonington Coop. We pay a fraction of what most people pay in restaurants and the process of cooking and preparing them has become a rite of passage with my family.

Dad taught me how to properly eat a lobster. You need to be outside of course, because eating lobster is messy. Showers should be scheduled for after dinner, because you will no doubt be covered in smelly lobster by the time you are done. I prefer to crack open the claws first, then the tail and the body. You have to get all the meat out of the body, the legs, the fins, everything. Dad used to eat the tamale (liver) on potato chips. I don’t often do that, but some people do.

The key is proper preparation. I don’t ever eat a lobster in a restaurant. I cook them outside, over the fire pit, in a contraption assembled for the purpose. Sea water is crucial – we get a bucket of seawater (and seaweed) and bring it to a boil over the fire pit. Then we drop the bugs (the locals tend to call them bugs) into the sea water, cover with seaweed and cook for about 15 minutes until they are red.

I know we are spoiled living here, but it is a true indulgence. Fresh Maine lobster right off the boat in Stonington, Maine is wonderful. I try to treat all of our visitors to the whole process. 🙂