When your kids are young you do anything and everything to protect them and care for them. You worry about negative things happening to them, even though you know they need to learn many lessons for themselves. You are quick to come to their defense after any transgression – a bully, an unfair teacher or coach – no matter that it was probably their fault :-).
What about after they grow up? when you kids are over 21, out of school, living on their own, or all of the above…what then? The instinct to protect is always there, but now it must be controlled carefully. When my kid calls me to complain about work, vent about a romantic relationship gone south or a friend done wrong, I have to remember that I don’t have to fix it. My job – first and foremost – is to listen. Every once in a while he/she will actually ask for advice (depending on the kid, some more often than others). If advice is requested then it can be (carefully) shared. Advice given needs to be different from “here’s what you need to do.” They don’t want or need to be told what to do any longer. I tend to talk about options and ideas for consideration that my child (is she really still a child? yea i think so!) can consider when making up her own mind.
“It’s the decisions you make” has always been my most important advice. They need to make their own decisions and live with them, even the mistakes.
Of course it was a lot easier when they were little and I could just protect them from the world.
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