I remember when I was young that some people spoke about wisdom that is acquired only with experience. This sounded like you had to get old before you knew things, or knew enough to be successful (whatever that may mean to any one of us).
In my periods of introspection, now that I appear to be retired, the title of this item is what occurs to me, and I need to relay it to my kids.
I grew up in a reasonably privileged household. We were white, middle-classed (as they said back then) and reasonably comfortable. Dad had a job most of the time, and we always had food on the table. I went to high school and was a good student as well as a decent athlete. I went to a large high school (graduating class was over 1,000 students!) and I became captain of the soccer team. I was even named Scholar-Athlete of the Year by the Philadelphia Bulletin. In other words, it seemed I could do little wrong, moving from success to success. I got into Dartmouth College, one of the finest institutions in the world.
All is well, yeah? Yes, but I never really had to extend myself. I worked hard on my studies, made friends, was a decent soccer player, etc. I got to Dartmouth and discovered that everyone who was fortunate enough to get in was talented in some or several ways. One of my searing memories was when the coach of the team (i made the junior varsity as a freshman) ran ‘category’ sprints and in succeeding sprints told everyone to “go if you were captain of your high school team, ” or “go if you were all-conference,” or “go if you were a Nationl Merit semifinalist,” or, or or. The point of course was to see that everyone was a hot shit, and the bar was now a lot higher. It was wise of him 🙂
As a sophomore, I showed up at training and the coach told me I had to improve on my right foot – my left was probably the most powerful on the team, but I was weak on my right side. He was right of course. When it came time to make decisions, he told me I was not to be promoted to the varsity squad and he wanted me to play JV some more and improve. I was furious. Everyone knew he was a jerk, and I couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t use me on varsity for my strengths. I quit.
One of the other fabulous opportunities at Dartmouth back in the late 1970s was an innovative new program called Language Study Abroad (LSA). These days, every school has such a program, but it was a pretty cool new opportunity at Dartmouth back then. You could satisfy your language requirement by either taking a series of classes, i.e. French 1, French 2 and French 3, or you could go to France for a term, living with a french family and studying while there. This terrified me, and I took the easy route – I took the required classes and did well enough to satisfy my requirement. Many of my friends went on LSA and came back with wonderful stories, and even a command of the language.
These are two of my biggest regrets from my college career. Don’t get me wrong, I did well at school, made friends for life and went on to have a good career. I even made up for my missed opportunity to go overseas by taking a series of job that afforded me the chance to both live and work in other countries. I have worked in over 40 countries and lived in Australia and England. I played soccer until I was 50 years old and retired after finally injuring my knees too many times.
The point, however, is that I was a pussy back then. I took the easy route rather than take a risk. I could have been brave and gone overseas, even though it scared me. I could have kept playing soccer, even if it was on the JV, knowing that I was good enough to make it to Varsity at some point. Yet I didn’t. I took what I thought was the easy route, made the low risk choices and still regret it, dammit.
I recognize that these are “first world problems,” and that I never had to fight for my life and face decisions that were truly risky. Nonetheless, the principle applies to all of us, at whatever level we operate. Take risks, especially when young – go somewhere new, take a job that stretches you, do something risky (not irresponsible, but..).
Next time around, I am going on the LSA trip and I am going to keep playing soccer, even if the coach is a jerk.
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