Embarrassing

I’m reading a book called Quiet, by Susan Cain. It is a study of introverts and extroverts. Susan is an introvert. It’s a fascinating and thought-provoking book. In the current chapter she discusses how people react to being embarrassed. No surprise that introverts take it a lot harder than extroverts, who tend to shrug things off more easily. Introverts are apparently more ‘sensitive.’ She posed a question about the last time we were embarrassed. Okay, I’ll bite….

This wasn’t the last time or necessarily the worst time, but it is a time that has stuck with me for years. I am still embarrassed and cringe when I think about it – it comes back to me sometimes. This took place about 15 years ago.

I was working in a senior role for a US-based company. A friend and former colleague asked me to meet a friend of hers, a woman who was going through a tough time, having gotten divorced and was looking for career advice, i think. I don’t even remember all the circumstances, but I remember that I readily agreed to meet her and did so in the cafeteria of our company. We talked for a while and she was bright and articulate and also attractive, physically. At some point I mentioned this – that she was attractive. I have no idea why, and it was so inappropriate. To make matters worse, I distinctly remember saying it again…a SECOND TIME. I am cringing again now just remembering. I said something like “you are clearly bright and talented and also attractive..” as if that would important to point out as she sought career advice. I don’t think she reacted but I’m quite sure she recognized how inappropriate it was; she probably thought I was making a pass at her.

Needless to say I never heard from her again, nor did I hear from my colleague who asked me to meet her, in good faith. What a jerk I was; I don’t know what I was thinking, including her physical appearance in my assessment of her employment competitiveness.

I’ve never spoken aloud about it, ever, to anyone. I’ve never written about it anywhere…till now. And no, it doesn’t make me feel better to do so, but I do think I learned from the experience, as I’ve never made that stupid mistake again since.