I can’t work with her!

…and she can’t work with me. And we have learned that this is okay. Let me explain…

Shortly after we were married we bought a house. Like many a young couple we thought getting a ‘fixer-upper’ would be a good investment and good fun for us. It was a good investment. It was not fun. Our learning lesson came when we tried to work together on wallpapering. It was a terrible fight, we both still remember it – 40 years later!

The lesson grew as our marriage did, and what we learned is that we can’t work together. We make decisions together, but when it comes time to work on something, we do better separately than together. We each need our own space – physically and virtually. We know each other’s strengths and weaknesses. My wife is more handy than I am around the house but I pitch in on cleaning, doing the dishes and I am a better communicator, both written and verbal, so she asks me to write the letters that need drafting. I must have other relevant skills, but who knows…

Our situation won’t apply to everyone for sure – some couples will enjoy working together. Not us. I can already see one of my kids learning that her situation is more like ours, though. Her fiance is doing the work to fix up the house (he’s better at this than me!) and he’s doing it himself. She does a lot of other things that are in her wheelhouse…and that’s okay. They don’t need to force the “why can’t we work together.” They can make decisions together, love each other and make a life together, but

Don’t work together! :-).