Parenting

Big topic, I know.

It’s the best job I ever had. It’s also the job that never really ends, but it certainly does evolve, and if you don’t evolve with it, you are in for trouble.

My children are now all grown (as of this writing, they are 33, 31, 29 and 25 years old). Two are financially independent and all are on a good path and certainly living their own lives. I am quite sure – now that the fun of helping them grow up is past – that I have made many mistakes. My kids are quick to point out many of those mistakes now that they are adults. I have spoiled one of them, been too easy on one of them, too hard on one of them (or all of them?). It is my fault (am leaving my wife out of it due to her clear perfection in this subject matter) that one of them is not married, or not well respected by the others, or one of so many other things that deemed to be significant in the lives of my children.

I used to stress over some of these concerns and much of this feedback, as I am sure there is truth to much of it. I probably should have been tougher at times and easier at other times. I am now 100% sure of one thing – I can’t go back and fix it any longer. If one of my kids should have had more discipline when younger, I cannot apply that discipline now – certainly not to a 25, 29, 31 or 33 year old. They are adults now.

I can coach and support and provide feedback (when requested). It requires a light touch, for the most part. My priority is to “be there” for each of them whenever they need me.

I loved helping my kids grow up. As of this writing, they all turned out pretty darn well too. One has a great job in Marketing, lives in the mountains in Colorado and has great friends. She loves what she does for a living. Another has a great job in banking, lives in London, has great friends and also loves what she does for a living. They are both financially independent at this point. The third is at medical school, lives in Vermont, has a lovely girlfriend and is on a path to become a doctor, his lifelong dream. He loves what he does. The fourth one has started his own business, lives in Maine in the summer and elsewhere in the winter, depending on what he feels like in a given year. He loves what he does.

They get along well as a team – they just came back from skiing together. They fight and hate each other some days, but love each other every day. We get together as a family a couple of times a year and I am grateful for that.

They are all good people. They care about others, they are aware of current events and have opinions. They are sensitive to issues like race, inequality, politics and they all have pets that they love. You know what? My kids have turned out great. not just good, but great.

I have made many many mistakes, but overall, I am giving myself a decent grade for helping these four people become excellent citizens of the world. Sorry for all the things I did wrong….but I write that with a wry smile and a great deal of comfort that I must have done more things right 🙂

Love you guys.