Most of me thinks of this as a silly holiday, invented by Hallmark and the other companies that just want to sell cards and gifts. I don’t need a holiday to remind me that I’m a Father.
But then I hear from my kids…and I remember that I’m not just a father. Anybody can be a father, but I’m a Dad, and a Daddy. That’s different.
I have had a lot of jobs in my 40 years of working, since I got out of college in 1981. Most of them – probably all of them – have been rewarding to a large extent, even the ones that ended poorly (never my fault, of course). The one job I have had for 32+ years now is being a Dad. It is the best job I ever had. I think back on those 32 years and I know there were some tough times (ever had teenagers?) but all I really remember is the wonderful times. And – thanks largely to my ‘never give up’ wife, they all turned out well. Not just well, but actually great, on every level. They are all industrious and hard-working (from marketing to banking to medicine to entrepreneurship) but that’s just the tip of it, the indicator that they turned out well as humans. They all grew up wiser than I was at their age, more worldly and better global citizens. Some of that is due to the advantages we gave them – living and traveling around the world is not something everyone is lucky enough to be exposed to at a young age. But a lot of it is values. They care about the right things – some of those things are human rights, #blm, and the human condition…but again you have to scratch below the surface to see where it all comes from. They care about other people, not just themselves.
Every once in a while one of my kids will accuse another of being selfish. But you know what? It hardly ever happened, and that’s because none of them are actually very selfish. They try hard to see the world through others’ eyes, to recognize their own built-in biases and overcome them. That is truly great stuff, and it’s about values. I wish I could say that their mother and I taught them all that – and of course we do give ourselves credit for establishing that foundation when they were young enough to sit on my lap or ride on my shoulders – but they developed on their own. They developed at their own pace, in different directions in some ways, but always stayed together.
That’s one thing I am more thankful for than anything else as I pause to think about father’s day. We are all still together. We are still a family. We still love each other. We go out of our way to hang out – and that’s hard work now with them living and traveling all over the world.
They will all be here in Maine for July 4th, 2021. I can’t wait. As I look at them, watch them interact, share a beer with them and build a fire in the firepit, I will think just how goddamn lucky I am to be a dad.
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